Sometimes I’m My Own Worst Enemy

I really want to be a happy-go-lucky,  perky, nothing- gets-me-down person. I am actively trying to teach myself to be one.  I think that I may even come across as being that way to people sometimes. Occasionally, I even feel like that sometimes, briefly. I figure that if I fake it til I make it, then that means that I’m going to make it, right? At least that’s my hope.

But the truth is that I mostly feel sad, depressed, and lonely. I feel inadequate and question myself all the time. I question why I am seeking more responsibility when I feel like I may not even be handling the responsibility that I already have.

Again, I keep thinking that I can fake it til I make it. So, basically, I am trying to teach myself by making myself do things that I feel inadequate at. I’m learning to handle new and more responsibilities by making myself take them on. Being my own teacher is hard!!

I see myself as more of a realistic/bordering on pessimistic person. I do not want to be pessimistic or negative. People who are negative and pessimistic irk me and wear on my nerves! I am well aware that people who are a lot like me tend to annoy me. This makes me think that  I probably am pessimistic and negative, as well as annoying!

I feel like my own worst enemy.

I overthink everything. I don’t want to do that! I don’t want to drive myself insane! If I’m going to be driven insane, I’d prefer to let someone else do it. (Just a joke there.) I feel bad about every time that I have done or said the wrong thing. I do my best to make the right choices and to treat others as I would want to be treated or for my loved ones to be treated. I question myself and wonder why I do things sometimes. Am I really a good person, even? I so desperately want to be a good person.

I have decided that the only way that I can put these thoughts out of my head is to put new, better thoughts into my head. I am fortunate in that I like to try new things and learn new things. This has been what saves me from my own thoughts. That is why I continue to force myself to seek out new, interesting things to do and learn.

I am my own worst enemy, but I’m trying to change to my own best friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Starting a New Job

I got a new job!!! One of the  great things about nursing is that there are SO MANY DIFFERENT JOBS!!! You could switch jobs every couple of years and still never do all of the kinds of nursing jobs that  are out there.

The dress code for the new job is just scrubs: any color! Most jobs that I’ve had required a specific color or colors of scrubs, so being able to pick the colors and patterns is a bonus to me. It just makes dressing for work a little more fun.

I was fortunate to find a whole scrub outfit, including socks and shoes,  when I went shopping yesterday. My number one criteria is always comfort, but I like to try to look put together also. I don’t want to look like I just grabbed whatever scrubs were close by and put them on. Well, hopefully no one does that!

 

 

First, the scrub top. I have bought many scrub tops over the years. What I like about this style is the fact that it has the flexible side panels. They allow some stretch to the garment. And there are several prints available in this style. Of course, I love the dog and cat print.

 

Cherokee Flexibles Women’s Mock Wrap Printed Scrub Top-2988C

 

Secondly, the pants. This is the second pair of these pants that I have bought. The fabric is very smooth and lightweight. They fit me comfortably yet don’t look sloppy.

Healing Hands Purple Label Tori Yoga Scrub Pants #9133

 

Next, the scrub jacket. I don’t wear scrub jackets much, but when you need to wear one,  you want it to look nice. This fabric is very lightweight. I like the cut in the front. It is a very flattering fit.

 

Skechers SK401 Stability Warm-Up Scrub Jacket

 

Next up, the shoes. This is my second pair of Asics. I still LOVE the first pair that I bought. They are hands down the most comfortable nursing shoes that I have ever purchased. They are also the most expensive nursing shoes that I have ever purchased.  This pair was much less expensive than the first pair that I bought, yet still pretty pricey. My other pair doesn’t look good with every set of scrubs  because the colors in the shoes are very bright.  So,  when I found these that are comfortable and a basic color, I bought them.

 

Asics Gel-Fit YUI Black/Silver/White

 

Last but not least, my compression socks. Compression socks are as important to me as good shoes are. I wear this brand and another brand. What I like about this brand is that they are thin but not like hose (I don’t care for the TED type compression socks). The compression is good but not overly tight. I found out a long time ago that my legs hurt when I’m working, unless I wear compression socks or hose.

 

Cherokee Graduated Support Socks True Support 8-12 mmHg

 

There you have it! Hope this helps someone out!